#and if youre really worried about referring to me

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Hii, I hope you're doing well!! This is my first time requesting so I was REALLY nervous :")) I saw some posts about Y/N accidentally calling some of the creeps their "husband", and I was wondering if you could do one with Jeff? I'm really curious of how it would be like with him and I really like him ^^

Listen. Listen. This man has been wormed into my brain for the longest time and my softness for him came out today, and this became like twice as long as I originally meant to to be, because I love him. I honestly ended up wanting it to be longer, but this took me way too long to write, so I cut it short. I hope you enjoy <3

While Jeff would never, ever admit it to anyone, he has spent hours thinking about what it would be like to be married to you. To be married to you, live with you, be able to wake up to you every single day, for everyone around the two of you to fully know you belong to each other. The unfortunate downside to that fact is that Jeff doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't believe he deserves to be so happily married to you with all of the horrible things he's done, with all the horrible trauma he regularly has to deal with and make you put up with (despite you routinely telling him it doesn't bother you at all and you love him all the same, flaws and all). He thinks you're just far too good for him, and so the bitter, depressed part of his brain constantly tells him that'll never happen.

So, needless to say, Jeff is about to get his shit rocked mentally. The two of you were out and about, and you'd bumped into an old friend (i.e., someone important in Jeff's eyes), and introduced them to Jeff. Jeff, in his attempt to seem like a decent person under the watchful eyes of someone you have known for such a long time, does pull himself off pretty well, at least until you accidentally slip up and refer to Jeff as your husband. He feels like you've just punched him straight in the gut. He can't breathe, his heart is hammering in his chest, and he feels like he's gonna vomit, but he carries on with a passive smile, hiding all of his inner turmoil, keeping it locked inside until the two of you can get away from all of the prying eyes in this public space. The entire way home he still feels like he's gonna be sick, trying everything he can just to keep it together. The second you're through your front door he's wheeling around and pinning you to it, arms beside your head as his chest heaves, eyes slicked with a mixture of tears, confusion, and desperation. You can't tell what's wrong with him, and he can't tell why he's reacting so strongly, his mind foggy amidst his air-deprived anxiety attack. The two of you stand there, your hands comfortingly cupping his face while you coach him to breathe, to calm down.

By the time he's caught his breath, he's leaning on you, his body weighing against you as you rest against the door behind you. His arms are tight around your waist as his face nuzzles against your neck, and you're overcome with intense worry, unaware of what got him like this in the first place. "Did you mean it...?" His voice eventually trails off, and the emotion in his voice is untraceable, his trauma brain overtaking as your words replay in his mind over and over again. Your brows knit together as you try to figure out just what it is he's referring to, and he answers the question for you, saying he meant when you referred to him as your husband. He looks absolutely broken in your arms, and a lightbulb goes off in your mind as you finally realize why. You've heard it, the things he says to Liu, or BEN, his words about how he doesn't deserve you, how you deserve to marry someone better than him, soon followed by their chastising words about how that's not true, and suddenly his worrisome behavior from the last few hours that you've picked up on (because you always notice these things) suddenly makes sense.

You reassure him that of course you meant it, why wouldn't you? Jeff feels like he's being chastised once more, his cheeks puffed out in a pout as he avoids looking at you as you lecture him about how you'd love to marry him one day, and how he absolutely deserves to have you, how you're not too good for him, a lecture you should have given him long ago. He ignores the tears streaming down his face once more, ignores the thudding of his own heart in his chest, ignores the dying voice of denial in the back of his mind, but what he can't ignore is your lips slotting so perfectly against his own, or your fingers stroking along his scars in the way that always makes him fall apart. He's still not completely sure he deserves you, but goddamnit, with the way you're looking at him right now, he's sure as hell not gonna let anyone else marry you and take you away from him. Not with how tenderly you're holding him, how gently you're pressing your lips across his scorched skin, not with how lovingly you're gazing at him, as if he's the most beloved person in your life, because of course he is to you, just as you are to him. 'Husband' ends up becoming one of your favorite nicknames for him following that day, a nickname that always has his skin flushing red and his eyes softening in a way they only do for you. A nickname for now, and a title not too far into the future that he wears with pride.

[queenofapeacefuldawn]

Spy × Family Chapter 108: An Analysis

So, after a two month wait, we finally got a new chapter! And we were SO well fed LMAO!!!

Anyway, as always, spoilers for Spy × Family Chapter 108 under the cut!

We start off the chapter with Melinda nervously explaining to Yor her reason for being "Lunaluna Selena" in disguise: it's a fun hobby!

And, obviously, she's in disguise out of worry about the rumours that might spread if the former First Lady of Ostania dabbles in mysticism: as it might cause problems with her husband. (Though it is messed up that she has to hide her hobbies from her own husband, but we know how Donovan is).

In the middle of Melinda's monologue about why she loves this sort of thing, she drops a rather odd line:

(First of all: DANDADAN reference anyone?) Kidding, kidding, it was probably just a throw-off line, but what we're really focusing on is: Melinda's emphases on the word "Telepathy".

Now, side note, I'm not sure if the emphasis was to draw our, the readers' attentions to the fact that Melinda believes in the concept of telepathy existing, or if Melinda herself is putting emphasis on the word "telepathy", implying she knows something about the project that Anya was made for.

It is a fascinating thing to put in, though: if one's talking about the things they believe in, then putting "telepathy" in the top three seems like an odd choice, especially if more general terms like "superpowers" or whatever exist.

It does seem very intentional on Endo-sensei's part to put in, especially since, as of now, we don't know how much Melinda knows about Donovan's current plans, or even about what he's done before.

It could be a reference to Anya's past, or some sort of red herring so the reveal of Anya's past can be more shocking. I'm not sure. Yet, I choose to believe that Melinda knows something about Anya's past--- something maybe she found out on accident? Which is why she's so terrified of Donovan?

In essence, this chapter basically confirms that Melinda is suffering some sort of psychological abuse at the hands of Donovan, leading to her fear of him. What's more interesting is that Donovan is intentionally trying to drive a rift between Melinda and the boys. Possibly he's trying to isolate her by keeping them under his thumb, so that she doesn't try to "betray" him? Or maybe he's already threatened the lives of the boys in return for Melinda staying, all for the sake of keeping the "happy family man" image up to the public (though we know how messed up the family really is).

These panels. They confirm that Melinda has thoughts about standing up for herself and Damian (and Demetrius too, I guess--- I think it's implied), but the sheer terror of what Donovan might do holds her back. Half a step forward, a whole leap back. She even says, "Fortune telling [a hobby that she loves dearly] doesn't matter either. What am I doing here?"

So. yeah.

[NOTE: I skipped over the tarot reading part initially so that I could talk about Donovan and his abuse, and connect it to the first bit of the chapter. The tarot reading part comes now.

NOTE 2: All the information about the tarot cards comes from Google. I have no knowledge about tarot, so please take this with a grain of salt, and if I make any mistakes, please don't hesitate in correcting me :)]

These are the cards we see initially.

She says the card representing Anya's present is the Four of Cups. According to Google, it means:

The Four of Cups tend to appear when you are feeling discouraged and unmotivated. You may feel as if there is no solution or way forward in your situation. Life has become stagnant, and nothing seems to make you happy or passionate.

(Labyrinthos, Tarot Cards Meanings List)

Which is kind of true in reference to Anya's life as a student. A student's life is filled with studying (God knows I know it), something Anya is apathetic towards. It's also "Plan A" of Operation Strix: through studying, Anya becomes an Imperial Scholar and Twilight makes contact with Donovan Desmond.

Or, it could be an allusion to Melinda's situation: she's discouraged, and feels trapped in her marriage. Nothing makes her passionate anymore, because everything she experiences is tainted by her husband (see: the panel above where she says 'even fortune-telling doesn't matter).

Melinda says that the Death card represents the factors around Anya. There's the obvious joke about "Oh the Grim Reaper's right next to you!" with Yor next to Anya, but the Death card shouldn't be taken literally.

The Death card signals that one major phase in your life is ending, and a new one is going to start. You just need to close one door, so the new one will open. The past needs to be placed behind you, so you can focus your energy on what is ahead of you.

(Labyrinthos, Tarot Cards Meanings List)

This is a reference to Anya's previous life as a test subject, and orphan; and how she's left that past behind and been allowed to actually be a child, and how she's finally being loved as she deserves. How her circumstances, the factors around her are changing. It could also pertain to her physical growth, or maybe it was just there for the joke about Yor being the Grim Reaper (which is still pretty ominous. Who is Yor going to have to kill?)

And, finally, the Star in reverse.

When the Star card is reversed, it means that you are feeling as though everything has turned against you. The challenges that you would normally see as exciting seem instead to make you feel as though you cannot overcome them. You have lost faith in something, whether inside yourself or with something you normally find dear.  Without hope, without faith, we cannot find the motivation to progress forward in the challenges that we face. Where in your life are you feeling hopeless? In what ways do you already feel defeated? And how does that affect your actions? The star reversed asks us to nurture our sense of hope and positive energy to help propel our actions with joy instead of fear.

(Labyrinthos, Tarot Cards Meanings List)

Since this represents Anya's future... it doesn't look to good. It feels intentionally grey and murky, with no clear answer as to what's going to happen in Anya's future, but it still seems pretty bleak.

Overall, these readings don't seem to point to a future that seems too good for Anya.

I am very afraid what's going to happen to her (and to find out what's going to happen to her), but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

We still don't know what exactly Anya means by "This feeling... I think I've felt it before...", especially when it's related to Melinda's fear of returning home and to Donovan. Again, it makes me very nervous for her backstory.

Anya and Yor return to where the rest of the gang is, and---

why is he like this.

After Twilight spends the whole day socializing with the other parents, "pumping them for information", Emile talks about how nice it must be to have a nice mom, which leads to this interaction:

This has a striking similarity to the chapter where Anya confesses about her mind-reading powers to Damian: the reassurance back then that Damian loves his dad, and now, the reassurance that Melinda loves him. Parallels about who he loves and idolizes, and now who loves him.

And, it's also so heartwarming that she specifically takes off her mask: showing her, perhaps, most true self to him, especially due to the fact that she comes from a family of actors, constantly putting on masks.

Speaking of masks... we can see a bit of [REDACTED] bleed through the mask of Loid, and Twilight.

It's the same, pensive expression that we see him wear in Episode 35 (Chapter 56), except it's more... tired. More weary. Less affectionate.

(The panel from Chapter 56)

We see a man imagining What Could Have Been, if the trajectory of his life hadn't changed so drastically: especially at a festival much like the one he's currently at.

We see a man tired of war.

We also see it in Episode 3 (Chapter 3)

This is when he's seeing young boys playing, and thinking of himself and his own friends.

Anya doesn't read his mind, but she does read his expression-

And so, the family man mask comes on, but not quite as properly as he'd like.

We can still see [REDACTED] shine through.

It's the same smile he gives Yor and Anya when Nightfall comes over, the smile with, which Fiona notes, "a tiny hint of real emotion seeping out from beneath it".

We jump to some time later, with Director Gorey asking Loid if he's willing to take on a VIP patient who presents a "challenging" case, which is followed by the inevitable reveal that the patient is Melinda.

I think this implies that Melinda has tried seeing psychiatrists before, but none of them worked out for her, or none of them could figure out what was wrong with her (hence the "challenging").

It's also revealed that Yor suggested Melinda sees Loid, which is greatly boosting his mission.

Gorey says that he suspects she's suffering from an intense case of Persecution Complex, so I searched that up.

People with a persecution complex suffer from the feeling that other people are trying to harm them.

(Cambridge Dictionary)

Given Gorey's diagnosis, I'm wondering if he's implying that Melinda is untrustworthy (which also implies that Melinda might have spoken of her fear of her husband--- perhaps in a roundabout way, which also led to her being classified as "challenging".) Though, for this, we'll need to wait and see next chapter.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I really loved this chapter! It definitely was worth the two month wait (and, I hope Endo-sensei is better, I think he took the break because of poor health). I'm excited for the next chapter! Tell me what your thoughts are!

[vintage-love-nasha]

To be honest, I know things get worse.

I went for Umrah and really prayed for things in my life to improve . But you know how sometimes you feel so helpless that you want to give up on everything in life? That’s me right now.

I feel very helpless . I’ve lost control of my life . I tried my best to make things work. Tried my best to get a stable and good job , tried my best to not be in my own cave and go out and socialise.

But I have failed. In the last 10 years , I have done everything by myself . I’ve found my own way out in life with zero help, although im proud sometimes I feel if I had some sort of backing or incredible support my luck would’ve improved .

Such as friends who would refer me to better jobs or ways to invest for a better future . A partner who would guide me how to love and let go of my anger . At one point in my life , every time I felt sad I had an incredible friend who would go and have pastamania with me, which is my comfort food . Just one call away and we would have sausage pasta (spicy) with coke and waffle fries. Now she’s married just like everyone else .

Sometimes I can’t get over the feeling of my own حسرت— why is it that all the girls always get good partners . All my friends got good partners , no one ever thought about me , no one ever approached me for marriage. Even if they did, there was always another girl who was better than me and beat me to it. Always. It’s like as if all the time and energy I invested in a man, all the love I had for him was worthless, it is like as if I am invisible and don’t even matter . But the other girl always wins in life . She gets the life I always desired meanwhile I have to pick up all of my scattered love, reshuffle and think— where do I put it? I have nowhere to put it! Why must things get destroyed for me? Why must I be the one suffering ? I am not even a chaalak person, I am homely . I like to do ghardaari but I am never the chosen one . I am also loyal but never chosen.

Now, I just have pastamania alone because I lost my friends , I have no one to eat with , no one to chill with: I spend so much time with my cat and watching Pakistani dramas . I listen to coke studio and Atif Aslam. I love Honey Singh.

It’s so difficult to explain to someone who sees you as a stranger and hater that I have been holding my own fort for the longest time . That even if I get angry please understand it is due to incredible stress. If you think you can’t handle and I deserve to be blocked or never spoken to , go ahead maybe that’s all im worth .

I’ve always asked for strength to keep going but I find myself running out of strength .

Support builds character , growth and good mindset . It has been very difficult to be alone in my 20s. My sisters got married , and after my second sister got married , I felt so alone at home . Now I am exactly 30, it’s overwhelming to grow old .

I’m lucky to have my parents , but caring for them and worrying about their health every single day eats into my strength.

Whose shoulder do I cry on? I hate crying in front of my parents because I need to be their strength .

I don’t know what to do. I have tried everything’. Everything that I possibly could in my hands .

I wish that someone would just sit with me and say to me “I genuinely care about you. And your well being”.

I wish I wasn’t suffering . My brain is going to explode with all the sadness.

X

Bird (Andrea Arnold, 2024)

[thebigbadbatswife]

Revelations

Pairing - Batman x F!Hero!Reader Series - Under Your Skin

Summary - While dealing with the revelation of who Batman really is, under the mask, you cross paths with him for the second time in one night. While you help him navigate your city to find the current source of his ire, the two of you end up uncovering something that shatters your world.

Warnings - Canon Typical Violence, Explict Language. (If I missed something, lmk!)

A/N - Merry Christmas, to those that celebrate! Here's a present, the next part of Under Your Skin! Enjoy!

Taglist - At the end of the fic. As always, if you would like to be added/removed, please feel free to message me!

Word Count - 6k

This was exactly what you needed.

The freezing winter air rushed past you. The wind howled in your ears. The side of your apartment building raced past you as you allowed gravity to take hold of you.

You were experienced at this. You knew exactly how long you could fall like this before you reached the point of no return. The point where any attempt to stop yourself that wasn’t with a parachute would fail miserable. 

From the second that you jumped up to that no return point was a short window. Blink and you would miss it, type of short.

There was something so freeing about free falling like this. The way that it forced all thoughts from your mind while your stomach dropped and your heart pounded. Adrenaline flowed through your veins as you counted by the seconds.

Your eyes snapped open and you pulled out your grapnel gun and fired. Falling turned into, well, swinging, but this high up it felt like flying. 

You flipped through the air and fell again. Then you caught yourself, again. 

You repeated your actions a couple more times until you’re rolling onto a roof of another building and straight back up onto your feet. You’re breathless as you looked up from where you had just jumped. 

You were almost tempted to do it again.

Anything that would stop you from thinking about the revelation that Batman was Bruce Wayne. And the fact that you had been feeling him up moments before your discovery.

You didn’t even know how you were supposed to refer to him anymore. Batman? Bruce Wayne? Batwayne? Bruceman? 

God, you were going to drive yourself crazy with this.

Realistically you knew that all of this would be solved if you just approached him and told him that you knew. At the same time you were still hung up on the fact that he would never do the same.

Maybe you needed to call Dinah. See what her opinion was. You knew you could trust her and her advice had never steered you wrong before. You huffed as you pulled your earpiece out of a pocket along your belt and pushed it into place, in your ear. 

As you resumed you patrol, jumping from roof to roof and surveying the streets below, you tapped a couple of buttons on your gauntlet and the line began to ring. You counted the seconds that passed as it rang, lowkey hoping that she wouldn’t pick up. It had occurred to you that, depending on how the conversation went, you were going to be potentially revealing a lot about the past year.

“Everything okay?” 

Dinah’s voice was, understandably, laced with worry. The number you were using to call her was associated with your League number, which was to be used in emergency. Honestly, you felt that this counted.

“Yes and no. Mostly yes, but also a lot of no,” you replied. “Are you alone?”

The last thing you wanted was for Oliver to overhear. If this was going to be a reveal all, the less people who knew the better. Even though, based on a previous conversation you’d had with Dinah, you got a feeling a lot more Leaguers knew what had transpired between you and Batman than you would have wanted. Even so, on the off chance that you were wrong about that, you wanted as much kept private as possible. 

“Yeah, hang on.”

You heard Oliver in the background asking if everything was okay to which she told him that everything was fine and she would be back. That was shortly followed by a door shutting.

“What’s going on?” 

You took a deep breath, like you were getting ready to rip off a bandaid. By now, you had stopped traversing the rooftops, settling on a water tank. 

“Hypothetically, what would you do if you found out Batman’s identity while also knowing that he has no idea who you are?” 

It came out in a rush and with the silence that followed you started to wonder if she hadn’t heard you. You were about to ask if she had heard or understood you at all, when she spoke. 

“You’re positive you know?”

“I’ve never been more positive about something in my life.”

“And you’re sure he has no idea about yours?”

“Again, never been more positive. Keep in mind this is all hypothetical.”

Dinah laughed softly and you were sure that she was shaking her head.

“Okay, hypothetically, I think, as both your teammate and friend, you should just tell him that you know.”

“Or?” you ventured. You already knew that there wasn’t a way to get around the conversation that you knew had to happen, but you continued to hope.

“You know this is going to agitate you until you do. And that…”

“Could lead to me getting myself or someone else seriously injured because I’m not completely focused.” You finished her sentence for her. She was right. You had to talk to him. “Okay. I’ll talk to him. Thank you, Dinah. What should I do about my own identity?”

“Any time and you don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to. You could use it to drive him mad, if you really wanted to. Hypothetically, of course.”

You laughed this time. As fun as it sounded you got the feeling that as soon as he knew that you knew who he was, he would easily put two and two together. You thanked her again and said goodbye. 

Long after the call ended, you remained on that water tank. Batman was only a call away, but you had yet to actually make the call. You were sure that he would meet you and that it wouldn’t take very long either. Because he was here, in your city, and you had no idea why.

You would find out once you met with him. 

As you were about to call him, a gun shot sounded. Instincts kicked in and you were up on your feet, looking in the direction that it had come from. What the hell? 

The streets had been relatively empty. With Christmas right around the corner most were at home with their families doing various festive things together. The thought of which left a deep longing inside of you.

Two more shots were fired. 

The water tank you were on and calling Batman quickly became things of the past as you jumped into action. You took off across the rooftops, leaping and grappling your way to where you heard the gun fire coming from.

Several more shots were fired as you traversed the roofs. You could only hope that whoever was firing that gun had the aim of a stormtrooper.

It didn’t take you long to reach the scene. What you found was not exactly what you had been expecting. You had expected some gang shooting or something. Instead, what you got, was Batman in a brawl with a large group of men. 

As expected of a seasoned crimefighter like him, he was holding his own. Several men in the group already laid unconscious on the ground, limbs here and there twisted in positions they really shouldn’t be.

He was a blur of black and grey as fought. Well timed punches and kicks and even the clever use of his cape as he stunned men and knocked them off of their feet. You would never say it to his face, but he was rather impressive to watch. A lifetime of training and experience on display. 

But it wasn’t everything. He messed his timing up or he got too cocky, but he got clocked square in the face. It knocked him off balance and he barely caught himself before his head hit the concrete. That one hit was enough to change the tide of the fight, giving the thugs the upper hand. 

“Hold on,” you muttered. It looked like you needed to save his ass again. At least, this time around, it wasn’t your fault. 

You swung into the fight, your boot coming into contact with the face of a man who was about to bring a crowbar down onto Batman’s head. Your sudden appearance had a large portion of them jumping backwards, shouting and swearing. 

As soon as your feet touched the ground, you dropped a smoke pellet. It covered the area in a large cloud, hiding you both from view. You turned to him, offering him your hand. To your surprised, he accepted it. Blood dripped from his nose, even after he tried wiping it away.

“The way I see it, we either finish this or get away. What do you think?” your voice is hushed, though you didn’t think the thugs could hear you over all of their coughing and shouting.

“I’m not running,” he told you. Which you definitely saw coming. When did Batman run from anything? 

You nodded. “Okay.”

“To our left and right, several men are armed with semi-automatics. I’ll go left, you go right. With the smoke they won’t know what’s hit them until it’s too late.” 

You followed his lead, bursting from the smoke and giving the men the fright of their lives. Your boots slammed into the chest of the first one. You used the momentum to flip through the air. Your fist came down onto the second man. The force knocked him to the ground. His gun clattered as it hit the concrete. 

The third man’s gun was aimed directly at you. His finger on the trigger. Your heart thumped hard against your chest. You were literally looking down the barrel of a gun. For the second time in a few months. Though this wasn’t a hand gun. It was a damn semi automatic. Even if you were able to time this perfectly, at least a couple of bullets from the gun would still hit you.

Fuck. 

It wasn’t like Batman’s help was possible. There was still so much smoke and he was focused on his own fight.

He pulled the trigger. 

There was no spray of bullets. No pain from said bullets riddling your body. Instead the gun made a clicking noise. He tried it again, but got the same result. The gun was jammed. You got the feeling it wasn’t just luck that had done that either. 

His eyes widened as it quickly set in how fucked he was now. You darted forward. One hand closed around the gun. You tugged him forward and punched him. Hard. 

There was no time to bask in your victory. There was movement behind you. Keeping your grip on the barrel of the gun, you spun around, swinging the weapon like it was a bat. It turned out to be rather effective. It slammed into the thug’s ribcage, knocking the air from his lungs as he crumbled to the floor.

You used it as a bat a couple more times before discarding it. As effective as it was, it was slowing you down. You moved faster without it. 

The smoke cleared as you fought against the remaining thugs. Before you knew it, you found yourself back to back with Batman. 

Both of you were panting hard. It had been a tough fight, but the end was in sight. You glanced over your shoulder at him, catching his eye or rather his white lenses. It was time to end this.

You worked seamlessly with each other. Downing the remaining thugs while keeping your backs to each other. Kicks, punches, cape stuns, the use of various equipment from both of your belts. You were a whirlwind together. A force to be feared. Unbeatable.

If only the two of you got on this well all of the time.

The last man hit the floor and you and Batman distanced yourselves while you came down from the adrenaline high, that flowed through your veins. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. Even with those lenses, you felt the intensity of his gaze. Much like it had done earlier tonight when you had been face to face with the man beneath the mask. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re the one with the broken nose.” 

Blood was drying around his nostrils and the blood flow had appeared to have stopped. He brought a hand up to his nose, grimacing a little as he checked himself.

“It’s not broken,” he replied. He was still looking you over, like he was looking for something. Had he figured out who you were? “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem… on edge.”

Were you really that easy to read? Well, there was no time like the present.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to my city?” 

Were you chickening out? Yes. You absolutely were. Dinah would be disappointed in you, you were sure of it. 

“Considering the time of year, I thought you would be busy.” 

You shrugged. “This time of year is like any other for me. Well, aside from all the parties I keep getting invited to.”

He actually chuckled, which had you giving him a double take. First he was cracking jokes on the Watchtower, now he was chuckling. What had happened to the grumpy, brooding Bat that made you want to send him out the airlock? 

“I know what you mean. It’s never ending.”

You were sure he knew exactly what you meant considering that you knew his secret.

“Why are you here?” 

“A case led me here.” 

“Is it related to the last one we investigated together?”

You remembered the amusement park and Harley Quinn, her damn pets and the gunshot that could had killed you. It was hard not to remember. You saw and felt the scar left behind regularly and there was the nightmares that plagued you more often than not. But you were coping just fine.

“Perhaps. I don’t have enough evidence to confirm it yet, but I was hoping tonight would confirm it.”

You nodded. It made sense. “Like you said on the Watchtower, I’m already involved, and this is my city, so you’re stuck with me while you’re here.”

“Fair enough.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Really? No arguments?”

“It’s your city. You know it better than I do, but first…”

He walked away from you and toward a couple of vans that were parked at the far end of the parking lot. There was nothing particularly eye catching about the vehicles. They were a bit dirty, but they were still the classic white van you had grown up hearing about and told to be wary of.

Batman approached the first one. He pulled open the doors and stepped inside. The inside of the van was lined with crates. Not any old crates though. Gun crates. Your city’s port meant that the illegal gun trade came through more often than not. You liked to think that you were on top of things, but you hadn’t heard of this deal happening. And what was Batman’s interest in it? You swore that Gotham had enough gun crime of its own to keep him busy.

“Not enough gun deals to bust in Gotham?” you asked. You were leaning against the doorway.

“If I’m right, which I’m sure I am, these aren’t the guns you’re thinking of.” 

“Cocky much?”

He ignored you as he grabbed ahold of one of the crate’s handles. He pulled it out of the van. You jumped backwards as the damn thing almost landed on your feet as it hit the ground.

“Hey!” 

“Sorry, but you were in the way.” 

Batman grabbed a crowbar and used it to open the crate. You were expecting the same type of guns that you had already dealt with. Instead there was something frightfully familiar. 

It was about the same size as the semi automatics, but it wasn’t anywhere close to be like one. It was an exact replica of the same gun Lex Luthor had on his mech. Kryptonite included. 

Batman’s frown had grown immensely. He crouched and looked the guns over, before he looked back toward the vans. You didn’t need to be inside of his head to know what he was thinking.

There was enough guns here to outfit a small militia.

Even behind bars, Lex continued to plot different ways to kill Superman. But this wasn’t Metropolis.

“Why would they be here?” 

“I believe they’re being manufactured here.”

You scoffed. There was no way. Surely you would have known that weapons that could kill one of your teammates being manufactured in your own city.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. I wouldn’t even know if it hadn’t been for what we found with Quinn,” he told you.

Admittedly, that did make you feel better.

“What are we supposed to do with them?”

He hummed. “Batcave’s too far and the zeta tubes are down for maintenance.”

“My place isn’t too far. You could store them there until you can ship them back to the Watchtower,” you suggested.

He looked up at you, the lenses of his cowl widening slightly. He hadn’t been expecting that. That much was clear. A hero’s place of operation was, more often than not, also a private sanctum. A place to wind down from a stressful night or week of never ending problems. You had never been to the Batcave and you were sure you never would set foot inside. After all the relationship you shared with the man in front of you hadn’t exactly been a great one. Yet here you were. Offering up your own sanctum.

“You’re sure?” he asked. 

“Since your cave and the Watchtower are currently out of the question, and I wouldn’t trust the cops as far as I could throw them, it just leaves us with my place. Besides, anything to make sure that these guns don’t end up on the streets.”

Batman nodded, accepting your explanation. He took his time with the vans though. Looking over each and every crate for any potential tracking element. He had no worries about the radiation from the Kryptonite, as the crates were lead lined, therefore making it impossible for them to be tracked that way.

Whilst he did that, you checked the men over for the keys for both vans. As you fished out a set of keys, the man you were hovering over began to groan. You backed up from him and looked around. He was the only one waking up and since he had the keys, indicating he had been in charge of driving one of the vans, there was a could chance that he would know where the guns were being manufactured. After all he had to pick them up from somewhere.

Batman clearly had the same thought process as he breezed past you. He grabbed the man by his shirt and effortlessly lifted him up. 

“Wake up!” he commanded. It was surprisingly effective as the man’s eyes flew open and he immediately began to struggle and claw against the grip Batman had on him.

“Please! Don’t hurt me!” 

“I won’t as long as you tell me where you got the guns,” he growled.

“The gun factory! Just outside the city! But there ain’t no one there now!”

“Then. Where. Are. They?” His voice was dangerously low. You had no idea a person’s voice could get so low. If you had no idea who he was, you might think he would kill the man. 

“We were supposed to go to the airport! That’s all I know! I swear!”

“Thank you for your cooperation.”

Batman swiftly knocked him out and left him in a heap in the floor. Harsh.

“Come on. We’re running out of time,” he said.

You chucked him a set of keys and led him back to your base.

The vehicle entrance to your base was a couple of blocks away from your actually apartment building. It was connected by a concrete tunnel. You weren’t sure of the original purpose, but it was off the books and served your purpose well enough for the time being.

Now it was no Fortress of Solitude or Batcave, but you liked it. It was made up of several rooms. The garage, an armory, your main area and even a bedroom. The main area housed your computer, gym, lab and med-bay. 

With the vans secured in the garage, you set about getting your one motorcycle out and checking it over. It wasn’t the biggest one in the world, but it would still seat two. At least, you hoped it would. Batman was far larger than the average man.

Once it was fueled and ready to go, you entered the main area. Batman was looking the med-bay over. Specifically, the medicine cabinet. He was frowning.

“You need to stock stronger painkillers and some of these antibiotics are out of date,” he told you, like it was totally normal to be going through someone else’s medicines.

“Thanks? I’ll try to keep that in mind. The motorcycle is all ready to go.”

“Then let’s go.”

You expected him to take control of the motorcycle, leaving you to awkwardly sit behind him and hold on to him. Instead he insisted that you take control of it. Was this the result of the conversation you’d had with him? He was now biting his tongue and giving up control? 

Had he, in the few hours since you last saw him, been body snatched? You weren’t able to ask since you still hadn’t brought up that you knew who he was and right now seemed like a bad idea. 

The motorcycle rumbled to life beneath you. Your body tensed as soon as his hands came into contact with your waist, as he settled onto it behind you. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything about it.

You really shouldn’t be this stiff. You wouldn’t be if it was Hal or Oliver. Of course, they were both in committed relationships and you hadn’t slept with either of them.

The city blurred past you both as the motorcycle raced through the streets. You really hoped that you would reach the airport sooner rather than later so that he could take his hands off of you.

The airport was bustling with activity. Which was to be expected during the holidays. Where did you even begin to look?

Fortunately you had Batman perched behind you, who already knew. He directed you away from the main airport and toward the private hangers.

He was right.

On the runway was a cargo plane. There were a couple more white vans, which were in the process of being unloaded onto said plane, and a black SUV. The crew of men unloading the vans was a skeleton crew versus the one you and Batman had dealt with earlier. They would be easily dealt with. 

The SUV certainly stood out. Was the person that Lex had put in charge of this operation within? There was only one way to find out.

You and Batman flew into action immediately. Taking full advantage of the element of surprise that you currently had. 

You sped the motorcycle up, headed straight for the men who were carrying crates between the vans and the cargo plane. Behind you felt Batman shift his position. A hand came to rest on your shoulder and the back of the motorcycle grew heavier. 

“Go for the plane, we can’t risk it taking off. I’ll deal with the men out here.”

It was a sound plan. One that you had no disagreements with. You adjusted the direction so that you would pass by the men carrying crates and head up into the plane.

As you passed them, the weight on the back disappeared. Batman launched himself at one of them, tackling him to the ground as the man yelled in surprise. 

That was all that you saw of that fight as you entered the plane.

You slammed on the breaks and, as the motorcycle slid into some crates, you leapt from it yourself. You landing was better than you thought it was going to be. There was no time for you to be impressed with yourself though as a thug rushed you.

You dodged the punch he threw at you and followed up with your own. It connected with his jaw. A tooth clattered to the floor. Blood spilled from his mouth.

“You fuckin’ bitch!” he shouted.

He pulled out a knife and slashed at you. At least it wasn’t a gun. He was faster with the knife than he was with his fists. It kept you on your toes. You dodged each slash. Narrowly avoiding several of them that came way too close for your liking. You needed to wait for an opening. 

It came sooner than you thought it would. As fast as he was with the knife, he wasn’t exactly in his prime anymore. He got winded quickly. Which gave you the perfect opportunity. Your foot came into contact wit his hand, sending the knife flying. You followed up with your other foot, kicking him right in the face.

The thug hit the ground. Knocked out cold.

You weren’t given a moment of respite. Two more men came rushing into the cargo hold. Lady luck seemed to be on your side right now as neither of them had a gun in hand. The only weapons they carried was a pipe and a crowbar.

They charged at you. You dodged the first couple of swings and counted with your own. They were far more coordinated than you had been expecting. They dodged each of your punches and kicks. The pipe came in contact with your ribs. Pain exploded across them, making you grunt. Fuck, that didn’t feel good.

Breathing was now painful, but you had to push through it. You dodged and counted them. You felt them doing their best to wear you down and it was starting to work. You needed to finish this quickly.

After dodging another slew of attacks, you dropped a smoke pellet. The men coughed violently as smoke filled the cargo hold. Using it to your advantage, you disarmed both men and, using the pipe against them, knocked them unconscious.

With the plane secured, you began to make your way out of the plane. You would come back for your bike once you were sure everything had been secured.

As you stepped back onto the tarmac, you were just in time to see the door to the SUV slammed shut and the engine roared to life. You were too far to do anything. 

“Batman! The SUV!”

His head snapped up from where he stood over the unconscious bodies of the men that he had taken out. He gritted his teeth as he sprinted for it. The wheels of the SUV screeched as it took off. Batman slid to a stop, pulled a batarang out of his utility belt and threw it. 

The batarang burst the wheel it came into contact with. The driver lost complete control over the vehicle and it flipped several times before coming to stop.

You rushed over with Batman. He got there first and already had the unconscious driver pulled out. It was a woman in a suit. A purple velvet suit. 

No…

There was no way…

But it wasn’t like you could exactly deny what you were seeing. No matter how much that you desperately wanted to. You felt your heart breaking.

Erica. The woman who had been your best friend for essential your entire life. The woman that you trusted with your identity and to make your gear was working with Lex Luthor?

You had stopped in your tracks. Even going as far as to take a couple of steps backwards. Putting distance between you and her.

Your throat felt tight and you felt pressure building up behind your eyes. It already hurt to breathe and this made it worse.

Batman noticed immediately. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You shook your head. “I know her… and she knows me.”

The revelation had certainly shaken you down to your very core. While Batman was making sure that everyone was tied up and not going anywhere, you were doing your best not to have a panic attack while you second guessed every last little thing. 

From the moment you had decided to trust her with your identity to the newest suit that she had made you. Had she known it wouldn’t stop that bullet? Had getting you killed been her plan? You didn’t know anymore. The girl you had grown up with was now a complete stranger to you.

You were currently sat on a stack of crates as you internally melted down.

A hand came to rest on your shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. It halted your thoughts for a moment. You looked up at Batman. Even with the cowl and lenses, you knew he was giving you a sympathetic look. Maybe he wasn’t so different with the mask on.

He surprised you further as he pulled you up off of the crates and pulled you in for a hug. His grip on you was loose and he gave you plenty of opportunity to pull away, but you decided to accept it. 

Batman’s arms wrapped around you and he held you close. You didn’t cry. You were still far too shocked to cry right now. You certainly appreciated the hug. It felt good. Even if it was from Batman.

You pulled away from him after a couple of minutes, wrapping your arms around your body. 

“Thank you,” you murmured.

“Of course. I have to ask, did you tell her anything else?”

You shook your head again. “Of course not. She only knows about my identity. But I guess it’s easy to figure out who the rest are because of that. Which means everyone else is probably in danger now.” 

You waited for him to agree. Maybe even raise his voice and have a go at you for your mess up. He didn’t though.

“We can fix it,” he said.

You looked at him like he had grown another head. “What? How?”

Your question was quickly answered when Martian Manhunter showed up.

“Using his abilities, Martian Manhunter can wipe you from all of her memories, and adjust others, so that there’s absolutely no trace of you,” Batman explained.

“Wipe and edit her memories? Isn’t that unethical?” you asked. 

“Perhaps, but considering the entire League is currently in danger of potentially having our identities outed, it’s a measure we’re going to have to take.”

You nodded. It made sense. Even if you didn’t feel exactly good about it.

“I understand.” You turned to J’onn. “Can you wake her first? I need to… confront her first.”

“Of course,” he replied.

You and J’onn split from Batman, who wanted to go through each crate to check for more guns and any other weapon that could potentially be a danger to the League. 

Batman had tied her to a metal chair that he had found sitting just outside of the hangar the plane had been in. Considering the crash, he had already looked her over for any serious injuries. She had none. Only a few scratches here and there.

Your gut twisted with anger as you looked her over. Was she even the person you had once known anymore? 

As she began to wake up, J’onn moved away and returned to Batman to help him out.

You watched Erica closely. She groaned as she blinked her eyes, clearly confused. She looked around, her brow furrowed. As soon as her eyes landed on you, they widened and she looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“No. No! You’re not supposed to be here, you’re supposed to be–”

“Sleeping with someone?” you cut her off. “Is that why you pushed me towards him? So that I maybe wouldn’t find out about this?” You gestured toward the plane and the crates. “I… I trusted you and this is how you repay that? By working with Lex Luthor?”

“It’s more complicated than that,” she said.

You shook your head. “What about my suit then? You know the one that nearly got me killed because it failed to stop a bullet? Or was that on purpose?”

She spoke your name, her voice cracking. “I promise you that wasn’t on purpose! There must be a defect in the weave that I didn’t see. Please, you need to believe me!”

“How can I? For all I know you’ve told Lex everything and you’ve put my teammates in danger! What do you think those guns are for? To tickle Superman? Those end up on the street, he gets killed!” 

Erica wasn’t looking at you anymore. Her gaze focused on her feet as tears streamed down her face. Your own tears were threatening to fall, but you were forcing them back. You weren’t going to let her see you cry.

A silence stretched out between you before you decided to break it.

“Why?” 

She looked up at you again. Erica looked remorseful, but was that because she had been caught? Would she have felt the same way if she hadn’t been caught and Superman had been killed?

“I’m going to lose the company. We’re running out of money faster than we can make it and I’m going to have to file for bankruptcy. Lex promised me he could save it…”

“If you made weapons to kill Kryptonians? You could have called me, Erica. I might have been able to help! There’s so many more ways you could have handled this instead of getting into bed with Lex Luthor!”

You turned away from her as you felt the first tear force its way from your eye. She begged you to turn back around and talk to her, but you ignored her.

“Goodbye, Erica.”

As you walked away from her, a strange sensation of a presence invading your mind washed over you. You relaxed as you knew exactly who it was.

“You’re good to go.” 

You reentered the cargo plane to retrieve your motorcycle. The paint on it was now scratched up, but that was the only damage you saw on it. As you wheeled it out, Batman was waiting for you at the bottom of the ramp.

“FInd any more guns?” you asked.

“No. These were decoy crates, likely going to be used to fool the authorities on the off chance the plane was searched.”

“That makes sense. Do you need anymore help tonight?”

“I shouldn’t do. Once he’s done, I’ll be contacting the police and then calling it a night.”

“Yeah, I think I need to call it a night myself. I’ve got an appointment with a wine bottle.”

Batman was frowning as he looked at you. You didn’t really care if he didn’t like the sound of it. You decided that you needed it and, honestly, you were probably going to fall asleep after the first glass anyway.

You settled back onto your motorcycle and its engine roared to life. You didn’t take off immediately. Instead you sat there for a moment. You still felt his eyes on you, watching you closely. 

“Batman?”

“Yes?”

You took a deep breathe. It was time to rip the band-aid off.

“What would you do if someone found out your identity by accident?”

His frown deepened as he thought your question over. 

“I… It’s never happened. I don’t think…”

“Nevermind then. Just.. hope that your Christmas is better than mine.” 

You didn’t wait for a reply before taking off. If was a official. You were a coward.

Batman watched as you sped off. He replayed your question in his head. Turning it over and over again. In relation to tonight’s events, he really wasn’t seeing the connection. 

What did his identity have to do… His eyes widened. Realisation hit him like a gut punch. Moments from earlier tonight, before he put his mask on, replayed in his head. Seeing you in the ballroom, the internal fight he’d had about whether he knew you or not. The kiss. The resulting freak out and running away. And all because you had figured out who he was.

You knew!?

You knew… 

Fuck.

*

Taglist - @the-last-twin-of-krypton @bakugous-bakahoe @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople @little-rivers @callalily2000

@geminicinderella @theclassicvinyldragon @aniya7 @bluebear19 @jdream55 @x-ratedhimbo @sketchiethebear @wandalfnation @batmanwife1 @mari-malgamore @angie2274

[roonotrue]

Day 2 - Snowmen & Snow Angels with Kalim!

Twisted Wonderland Writings Masterpost

Prologue, Day 1

Prompt: When Kalim hears about Christmas from Lilia and Cater during a Pop Music Club meeting, he is so excited by the idea he goes to ask you more about the holiday- but he runs into your group of morons friends and they decide to recruit him to help distract you while the freshies enact their plan, now referred to as Operation 'Christmas Miracle!'

Reader: GN reader - They/Them pronouns and reader is called 'MC/Prefect.'

Included Characters: Kalim Al-Asim

Warnings: Mild Swearing.

AN: I should clarify that these are all alternate version stories, not some harem shit (not that anything's wrong with that). These are just different versions of the freshies finding one other person to help with their plan by distracting the MC aka you. Also, this series will continue until it's complete even if it bleeds into January so don't worry about it being discontinued or anything. I'm doing the full 12 days y'all.

~~~

"You... Want to go build snowmen?" You raise a brow at Kalim's cheerful words.

You just opened the door to Ramshackle, expecting one of your usual troublemakers to be the one frantically knocking at your door.

You even mentally bet money on it being Ace needing a place to crash to escape Riddle or something.

So you were decently surprised to see the radiant ray of sunshine that is the Scarabia Housewarden standing outside your door. Dressed in multiple thick maroon and gold layers of expensive-looking winter coats, thick white wool mittens, and a white and gold knit hat with a puff ball on top of it, he's also carrying a black and maroon backpack with the Scarabia dorm symbol on it.

All of this, you're sure, is due to Jamil being overly cautious so the young heir doesn't get sick. Then again, you've seen Jamil a few times too, and he was bundled up similarly. He told you they're not too used to snow in the Scalding Sands.

Who would've guessed?

"Yep! It'll be fun! We can make some at the main street so everybody will see them as they pass by!" Well, anything with Kalim is usually fun- mildly terrifying at times, but fun.

"Does Jamil know you're here?" It is the first question you need answered.

The last thing you want is a lecture from Jamil for playing in the snow with Kalim when he's meant to be doing something important.

"Of course! He wanted to come along, but I told him I just wanted it to be a 'me and you' thing, you know?" He says so sweetly, the words running through your heart like an arrow to your chest.

How could you possibly say no to him?

A cold wind runs past Kalim into the open doorway, and you shiver. You're still in your PJs, not really expecting to go out today since classes were canceled because of all the snow the night before.

"Uh, why don't you come inside Kalim? I've got to go get ready and it's freezing so I don't want to leave you waiting out here for me." You remark, beckoning him inside.

"So you'll come with me!? That's great! We can build the biggest snowman ever! And we can have a snowball fight, and-" He lists as he walks inside setting his bag down by the door.

"Slow down Kalim! Let's stick with snowmen for now and see how the day develops. Make yourself comfortable, I'm gonna go get ready, and tell Grim where I'm going." You smile, motioning to the couch as you head up the stairs towards you and Grim's shared room.

"Okay! I'll be waiting!"

When you get upstairs, Grim is rubbing the sleep from his eyes, with a big yawn that pins his ears to his head. You struggle not to coo at him like he's a normal kitten.

"Who was at the door, henchhuman?" He asks as you shuffle through your closet.

"Kalim, he wants to go out and build snowmen, will you be fine on your own for a while?" You ask, and Grim suddenly jumps up.

"He's here already!?" The little outburst startles you and you turn away from the closet to look at him.

"You knew he was coming over?" You ask and Grim suddenly looks nervous.

"Uuuh- he mentioned coming over yesterday, didn't he? You were right there when he did!" Grim laughs nervously, and you narrow your eyes.

That definitely didn't happen. Grim has been acting odd the last two weeks, sneaking off, avoiding you, and blatantly lying.

You have half a mind to have cornered him days ago and demand answers, but the odd thing is- all your other friends are acting the same.

And so you're curious. They're planning something. Something they clearly don't want you to know about. Something that you will definitely get dragged into one way or another.

You want to confront them all before that happens, but you can never pin them all down in the same room- like rats they seem to scatter the second they see you approaching. So it's something big.

"Hmm. So will you be fine or not?" You repeat and turn back to the closet.

You'll let it go right now since Kalim is waiting downstairs, but you're interrogating him once you get home.

"Yeah! I'll be great! Just leave me a can of tuna, got it!" He smiles, and you duck away into the bathroom to change into your school uniform, and the winter coat Crewel had to scold Crowley into getting you.

"Got it, I'll leave it on the kitchen counter for you." You smile to yourself and head back downstairs.

"Okay, you ready to go, Kalim?" You ask as you get downstairs looking around the living area, where he's happily shuffling through his bag.

"Yep! And I remembered Jamil wanted me to give this to you!" He smiles as he holds up a folded piece of paper.

"Oh?" You tilt your head, curious, and grab the note, carefully unfolding it, you see Jamil's neat handwriting.

MC, Make sure he's back by nightfall- seriously. If I have to stop and take time away from frantically deep cleaning the dorm before winter break to come looking for him, I will overblot again.

That said, don't let him come back before nightfall either please. It's easier to clean when he's not here. Thank you.

Also - I packed you both hot tea in a thermos, and lunch.

I trust you to keep Kalim from doing anything stupid. Have fun.

- Jamil

"Ah. Okay. He hopes we have fun!" You decide to keep the rest to yourself, smiling as you tuck the note into your pocket.

"Aw, that's nice of him! Next time I'll be sure to bring him and we can all have fun!" Oh, you're certain he'll hate that, but that's a future problem for future you.

"Well, we'll see, I'm not to sure Jamil likes the cold that much." You nervously stutter out the white lie, leading the way to Ramshackles entrance.

"Really? I like how different it is from the heat of the Scalding Sands and Scarabia dorm! The snow is so pretty, and everything looks so different when it covers the campus!" He declares, even as he shivers from the cold air rushing in when you open the front door.

"It is, but I don't reckon it's the snow Jamil doesn't like, Kalim, just the cold." You laugh, subconsciously reaching out and fixing the others scarf, making sure it's tied properly.

"Hmm, yeah, I can see why he might not like it, we're not used to this kind of cold after all. But I'm kind of getting used to it! If I just keep spending time outside everyday, then eventually it won't bother me anymore!" He adjusts his mittens as he speaks, and you chuckle once more.

"Just don't stay out too long, or you'll get sick. So what are you planning on doing over winter break?" You ask and he lights up as you ask.

The two of you walk side by side towards the main street of NRC, you can see the condensation of your breath puffing up in the icy air as you talk, and he tells you all about his plans.

"Well, Jamil really wants me to focus on studying over break and getting the homework done- and since everything that happened last winter break, I'm really trying to do as he asks more to make things easier for him- but it's so hard! How can I sit still and study when I could be having fun with my family?" He sighs and you cringe a bit.

"It's good that you love your family so much and want to have fun with them, but it's important to study. You have to set a good example for your younger siblings right? And all the students in your dorm. If they see that you're not working hard in school, they won't either." You tell him, and he makes that funny face he makes.

When his face scrunches up in thought, brows furrowed, eyes cast down, a slight pout on his lips.

It's adorable.

"You're right, I know, it's just so hard to focus sometimes."

If you were in your world you would tell him he should get tested for ADHD, but you've learned that Twisted Wonderland really doesn't have much mental health awareness let alone care.

This school would have a lot less problems if it did.

"Well, I know a few tips and tricks. Maybe you can stop by again before winter break and I can give you some." You tell him and he smiles, bright as the sun.

"Really? I'd love that!" As to how the entirety of NRC doesn't thaw from his warm presence alone is a wonder.

"Yeah, really. You can bring Jamil too, that way I can show him a few tricks on how to help you if you need him to." A solid idea.

You knew a few people with ADHD and other problems that made it hard for them to focus back in your old world- hell, a large majority of the population had trouble with their attention span. So by proximity, you know a lot of things that may help him.

And a lot of things that will help Jamil help him.

"Oh... Does Jamil really have to be there? You could just write it down for him." Kalim suggests with a nervous smile that doesn't at all feel natural or right for him.

"Why don't you want him there? You just mentioned wanting him to come out for a snow day with us sometime." You tilt your head curiously, and Kalim rubs his arm sheepishly.

"Well, I do, it'd be nice if he could have fun with us, but I also like spending time with you when it's just the two of us? That's pretty selfish though, isn't it? I mean, you're so fun, and amazing, and supportive, it's not fair to want to hog all your attention, but..." He goes quiet his gaze falling to the ground, an uncertain, guilty look in his eyes that makes your heart clench painfully.

"Oh, Kalim, that's not selfish at all. It's okay to not want to hang out with a whole group of people all the time. We can hang out just the two of us whenever you want- well, so long as I'm not busy." You assure him with a gentle smile just as you two reach the main street.

"That would be amazing, MC! We should hang out tomorrow then! And the day after that! And this weekend! And-" Well... At least he's got that smile you love so much back.

"Okay, okay, why don't we just focus on today? And we can make arrangements for tomorrow later." You giggle, fucking giggle, the seven help you, you are down bad.

"Okay- so... How exactly do you make a snowman?" He asks, a thoughtful hand on his chin as he looks at the snowy area in front of you both.

You're not far from the statues of the seven, a perfect spot to build some snowmen where everyone who passes will see them.

"Well, we've got to start with the base- we just make a simple snowball, and then make it bigger and bigger until we roll it around on the ground, and it's big enough to support the middle and head of the snowman." You explain, ducking down and gathering some snow in your hands and making a snowball.

Kalim mimics your movement.

"So, Cater was telling me about this Christmas holiday you have in your world, and it made em wonder about what other holidays you have that Twisted Wonderland doesn't- if you don't mind me asking?"  Kalim asks as you both reach the point of rolling the snowballs on the ground.

"Oh, I don't mind at all... Well, you guys have a few holidays that are similar to the ones in my world- like Halloween, we have that in my world- you can stop there with that one, Kalim, we'll make that the body." You motion for him to stop rolling the snowball.

"Really? What do you usually dress up as? Scarabia dressed as kitsune- that has to be my favorite costume so far." He asks, a silly smile on his face that makes your chest flutter.

You two spend the next fifteen minutes talking about your Halloween experiences in your world, and what your costumes were, etc. Kalim tells you about his younger siblings about how one year, three of them decided to dress as ghosts with sheets over their heads, and he nor his parents could tell them apart as they were running around their home.

It's sweet, and you'd love to meet some of them one day. Though you're going to have to have a serious talk with Jamil about which of Kalim's siblings you need to avoid like the fucking plague.

"Okay, so these should all be good, now we have to stack 'em! Here, the middle one you rolled, can put it on the big one." You direct and he listens, focusing entirely on carefully lifting the large snowball and placing on top the even larger one.

Once he does, you place the smallest snowball on top.

"And there's the head. Now we decorate! I'm sure there's some sticks around here that we can use for the arms, and rocks for the eyes, mouth, and buttons." You look around on the ground- and Kalim follows your lead.

"Oh, here! Will this work for one arm?" He holds up a rather large stick that would make a decent arm you suppose.

"Yeah, we just gotta find another one like it. You look for that, and I'll find some stones." You tell him and go about looking around on the main street itself.

The stone path has some loose pebbles scattered about that you certain no one will miss, so you go about collecting the larger ones to act as your snowman's face and buttons.

You almost wish you'd stopped by Mr. S's for a carrot. But alas, you'll stick with a plain old rock for a nose.

Onc you fill your pockets with a handful of ideal rocks, you head back to the snowman to find Kalim looking really hard at two sticks on the ground.

"Didja' find another stick?" You ask, making your way next to him, breaking him out of his thoughts, he flashes you a bright smile.

"Yep! But it's way smaller- so I was thinking we should break the other one to make it smaller to right?" He says and you look at the sticks.

"Hm. Or we can use them as they are? It'd be kinda funny having a snowman with wonky arms." You chuckle at the mental image, and Kalim is quick to agree with you.

"You're right, it would! And it'll make people laugh on there way to class these last few days before break!" He picks up the sticks and hands you one, and you in turn hand him a handful of rocks.

"For his face- I'll let you do that bit, and I'll do the buttons."

It doesn't take long to give your snowman all his features, with Kalim dedicating extra time to it's large smile.

"Did you make snowmen a lot in your world?" He asks as you both back up to look at your work.

"Hm, a few times, yeah. I liked making snow angels too." You sigh wistfully, and turn to find Kalim's eyes on you.

Studying your face with a curious expression for a long moment before his eyes actually meet yours, and he looks almost startled out of... Whatever he was doing/thinking.

"What's a snow angel?" He asks, and you smile.

"I'll show you- over here." You waltz a little ways away from you two's snowman and turn to face Kalim head on.

"Step one, spread your arms out!" You show him, pointing your arms directly out on either side of you.

"Step two, fall!" You laugh as you let yourself fall back.

"Ah! MC!" Kalim shouts, startled by your actions, you even see him reach out to try and catch you.

When you hit the ground, the the soft thicker blanket of snow on the ground here softens the blow enough that there's not an ounce of pain. Just cold, creeping in through the cheap fabric of your coat.

But it's not that bad, so you press on.

"I'm fine, Kalim, it's part of the process! Now step three, swing your arms and legs back and forth like this!" You show him and he looks on with wide curious eyes.

Completely fascinated by whatever it is you're doing.

"And then, you get up real carefully- ah- can you help?" You sit up, and reach out to him, not wanting to put your hands down and ruin it.

"Of course!" He grabs both of your outstretched hands and yanks you up.

A tad to forcefully as you lift up off the ground you're pulled forward to much and tumble into him.

The first thing you note, is that he radiates warmth. The second thing you note, is that you're so close that every time you breath, your noses lightly brush together. His eyes are trained on yours wide with shock.

"Ah! I'm sorry- are you okay, MC!?" He asks, stepping back, you laugh, trying to will away the blush on your face.

"I'm fine, Kalim, uh- look! The final product! That's a snow angel." You turn away, making a ta-da motion towards your imprint on in the snow.

A perfect snow angel.

"Oh! It's like a lady with wings! A bird beastman?" He asks, his attention successfully redirected to the snow.

"Well, we don't exactly have those in my word, but we do have stories about human-like beings with wings, that act as guardians for human, watching over us and stuff. A lot of people believe their real, a lot don't. Either way, they're real fun to make." You explain, brushing the snow off the back of your coat and head as best as you can.

"It sure looked fun! I want to try! I just spread my arms like this, right?" He copy's your previous motions, a foot away from your snow angel.

"Yeah, just like that- make sure the snow is deep enough to catch your fall without hurting." You warn him and he nods looking back to assess and then letting himself fall just as you did.

He laughs as he plops into the snow, and swings his arms and legs back and forth.

You help him up just as he did you- though a bit more carefully, and admire his work.

"Perfect! A top tear snow angel. You're a professional, Kalim." You compliment with a wink, and he scratches the back of his head with a bright smile.

"Thanks! You're a great teacher! We should make more! Oh, and another snowman! So the one won't get lonely!" He suggests and you really do start to feel like a kid again as you both run around plopping into the snow, making snow angels.

And you end up making a few more snowmen- having to go out of your way and leave to find more sticks out by the Botanical Garden, stopping every so often when you find a good spot to make another snow angel.

You pass by several students during this who look at you both like you're crazy- but you really can't find it in your heart to care.

Not when Kalim is looking at you with that radiant smile, and his laughter is ringing in your ears like music.

"We should stop and warm up inside the garden for a bit Kalim, maybe have some of that tea and lunch Jamil packed us." You remark, flexing your fingers as they grow numb.

"Yeah, I am getting pretty hungry..." He trails off as you both enter the garden- the warmth immediately surrounding you both.

You shrug off your jacket and move to sit at one of the benches nearby, and Kalim follows, pulling his backpack off and in front of him to unzip and grab your lunches.

"Jamil made us some grilled sandwiches, is that okay?" He hands you a container with yours and you smile assuring.

"Of course it is."

You two enjoy a long moment of silence, enjoying your food, tea, and the warmth around you before Kalim speaks up again.

"You know, I've never wanted to hang out with people alone before." he says suddenly and you look up at him curiously.

"Ah- or well, what I mean, is that I never mind it when others join us. The more the merrier you know? I've never had the feeling of truly wanting to just... Hang out with one person and no one else before." He elaborates, and turns to meet your gaze.

"I don't really understand why, but it makes me really happy, doing fun stuff just with you, building snowmen, making snow angels, and even just eating lunch together... I'd like to do fun stuff like this with you all the time, if that's okay with you?" He asks, a little bashfully, head tilted down with a gentle, nervous smile.

"Kalim..." You murmur his name, thoughts suddenly very uncertain.

Yet your face flushes when he glances up at your voice, eyes meeting yours in a hopeful bloom of poinsettia red.

From the very day you met him- despite a lot of the initial poor circumstances, Kalim has always been one of the friendliest faces at NRC. Always happy to see you, always the first to go out of his way to try and help you, and always the first person you look for in the hallways when you need cheering up, or just to see his perfect, radiant smile.

"You, uh, might wanna be careful there, you might make me think you're asking me on a date." You chuckle nervously, rubbing at the back of your neck as you turn away.

Your face feels hot and you're really starting to miss the cold outside.

Kalim is silent for a long moment, such a long moment that it makes you glance back at him.

He's wearing a wide eyed expression, mouth slightly agape, as a flush paints his face. There is a slow creeping emotion in his eyes that you can't quite place, that leads them to dart around your face- looking for something maybe?

But then he meets your gaze directly and lets out a small gasp of realization.

End then he's tumbling forward out of his seat to grab at your upper arms.

"Ah! Kalim-"

"That exactly what I want!" He shouts and a wide smile back on his face, his eyes sparkling with joy.

"Huh?" Not the most eloquent response, but you're completely dumbfounded by the suddenness of... All of this.

If you weren't flushed before, you certainly are now, eyes wide, and jaw on the floor.

"I want to date you, MC! You're amazing, and smart, and kind, and fun, and-" He says with a brilliant smile, listing off the compliments like they're the most obvious things in the world.

"K-Kalim! Slow down, this is-" Everything you could have wanted. Wrapped up in a sparkling bow, with a gift tag that says 'to good to be true.'

"You don't mean that- I know we're good friends-" He's said it so many times, there's a permanent dent in your heart where the words are hammered in.

"Of course I mean it! MC, you're wonderful, and I wanna be able to hug you, and kiss you, and take you out on dates, and magic carpet rides so we can look at the stars together!" He interrupts you, eyes blazing with determination.

Oh geez, he's really serious about this, huh?

By the seven, of course Kalim would only realize he liked you when you pointed it out directly. He's just like that- not really understanding things unless you say them outright. He can't take a hint for the life of him.

"Please, MC? I promise I'll be the best boyfriend ever! And we'll go on the best dates! And we'll make snowmen and snow angels ever single winter!" He continues, grabbing your hands into his.

You note just how warm they are- or maybe yours are just still cold, but with how warm it is in the garden you doubt that.

It's just Kalim.

Warm, radiant, fun, and joyful Kalim.

You stare at your interlocked hands for a long, long moment as Kalim waits for your response, lost in a sea of emotion.

He likes you. He really, actually likes you.

"MC?" He squeezes you hands tighter, pulling your gaze back up to him.

"Kalim, you are so oblivious it's painful at times- of course I'll date you!" You smile, and watching as his whole face lights up like fireworks is a beautiful sight.

You laugh as he jumps forward, pulling you into a tight hug that you gladly return.

"Really? Thank you, MC! You won't regret it, I promise!" He vows and you pat his back gentle.

"I know I won't. Now we should get back to the snowmen, they probably look pretty silly just standing out there with no arms." You chuckle and Kalim pulls back.

"Yeah, you're probably right. You're always right." He sighs wistfully and you hold back an eyeroll, a smile permanently stuck to your face.

You both pack up pretty quickly, with Kalim pausing to look at you several times for long moments with a dopey smile on his face, before turning back to putting things back in his bag and putting his gloves and scarf back on.

When you two head back outside, the cold takes a moment to adjust to, and in the corner of your eye you can see Kalim try and pull his scarf tighter.

"Here, let me-" You move forward, grabbing his scarf, undoing it, and then tying it properly around his neck so it keeps him warm and stays in place.

It's a quiet moment, suspiciously so, and when you look back to the white haired boy his scarlet eyes are staring at you intensely.

You both are a lot closer then you thought, and you can see the fog of his breath mixing with yours.

"Kalim?" You ask, leaning further forward almost subconsciously, and his hands come to rest at your sides.

"Can I kiss you, MC? Please?" He asks, in a low whisper, and you give a gentle nod.

When your lips connect it's almost scalding how warm he is. But even more notably, he's so gentle.

Like he's nervous.

So you take the initiative. Pulling him closer by his scarf, and kissing him deeper, you feel him smile into the kiss, and you can't help but smile to as you pull back, but not far.

You noses still brushing together, Kalim giggles, his breath warm on your face.

"Can I do that again?" He asks, and you chuckle.

"Well, we're dating now, so you can do it whenever you want." You inform him and he jumps forward, holding you tightly as he kisses you, quick sweet pecks, over and over. Mostly on your lips, some on your cheeks and nose.

"K-Kalim!" You stutter between laughs and kisses.

"I can hug you too whenever I want, right? And come visit you, and get you gifts, and-" He starts listing and you have to put a cold hand over his mouth to pause him.

"Yes, yes, and only every once in awhile. I don't want Ramshackle overflowing with a sea of lavish gifts, Kalim. I don't need any gifts really. I just like being with you, that's enough for me." You tell him and he smiles, but it turns to a slight pout after a moment.

"Are you sure? You deserve nice things, and Jamil tells me you don't have many in Ramshackle." He asks, and you roll your eyes.

"I have what matters, Kalim. A roof over my head, clothes on my back, edible food, and okay roommates. Having an amazing boyfriend is the cherry on top. I'm not a fancy or extravagant person, Kalim, so please, don't go getting me anything extravagant." You tell him, and he sighs in defeat.

"Okay... I can get you a few things, right? Like flowers, and jewelry, and pretty clothes-"

"Flowers. You can get me flowers, and maybe some of those other things on special occasions only." You tell him firmly, even if there's still a smile on your face.

"Okay, I can do that! You have to tell me all your favorite flowers!" He asks (demands?) and you let out a gentle laugh, pulling away, grabbing his hand to hold as you both walk back to your snowmen.

You list some of your favorite flowers, up until you get back to the snowmen, and finish them off with their stick arms.

"There! They look great." You comment, backing up to admire the finished product.

Surrounded by snow angels all over the snowy ground, the snowmen actually look quite nice.

"Hm, we should get them some clothes- scarfs and hats, you know?" Kalim says from beside you.

"Hm, maybe we can swing by Sam's later and get some cheap ones, but I think we ought to call it a day, Grim will be wondering where I am by now." You check the time on your phone, seeing it's nearing early evening.

"H-huh? But we should go now so they don't get cold!" Kalim stumbles out, rushing to stand in front of you.

He has that panicked look in his eyes.

"... Kalim, they're made of snow." You say we an amused smirk and a raised brow.

"I- I know, but... Um, I wanna spend more time with you..." He comments, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen, and you let out an defeated huff.

How can you say no to that face?

"Alright. But we gotta be finished by sunset, got it?" You sigh, and Kalim quickly steps forward and places another loving peck on your lips.

"Alright! And I can walk you home after." And he kisses you again.

And then again.

"Kalim- we should get going." You chuckle, putting a finger on his lips to stop him from pecking your lips again.

"Oh! Right, okay. I just really like doing that." He chuckles bashfully, and you smile, this time kissing him on the cheek playfully.

"I can tell. Now let's get going." You pull him along and he follows dumbly, a goofy smile on his face the whole way.

This is going to be an amazing Christmas. You can just tell.

~~~

Vote for the next character below!

[dodger-chan]

On this, a totally normal day, please enjoy this short scene featuring demon Steve Harrington:

“They’re con artists,” Steve asserted, rolling his eyes. “They’re nothing I need to worry about.”

It wasn’t that Eddie thought Steve was wrong. He’d read a book about their involvement in that possession and murder case in Connecticut five years back. It had certainly read more like fiction to him.

It was just that demons tended towards overconfidence. Or at least Steve did. Maybe that was more of a jock thing than a demon thing.

“You’re bound to the mortal plain by a two-bit ring from a Crackerjack box,” Robin snarked. “Forgive me if I’m a little concerned.”

There was that, too.

“I’ll have you know that ring cost me fifty cents. It’s solid nickel,” Eddie joked. But he kind of agreed with Robin. The ring was a flimsy object, and entirely incongruous with Steve’s preppy look. Even if the couple weren’t practiced demon killers, the ring would be an obvious target.

“So that’s why my finger keeps turning green,” Steve mused. “Look, I can’t let this stand, but one of you can wear the ring until they’re gone, okay?”

-------

Which was how Edde found himself twisting his old ouroboros ring around his finger, sitting in a diner booth across from Robin. Stealthily watching the demon hunters eat their lunch. Waiting for Steve to arrive. The wait wasn’t long, but it was tense.

Steve ignored them when he walked in, only paying attention to the couple seated behind them. Robin leaned forward and stole some of Eddie’s french fries.

“I think we’re in trouble,” she whispered. She was only half joking. They weren’t supposed to be there; Steve didn’t want either of them associated with a demon. But Robin was not about to let Steve face even fake demon hunters completely alone. And - coward or not - neither was Eddie.

He shushed her, keeping an eye on Steve as he sat down at the hunters’ table.

“I read the contract you signed with Susan Mayfield. Book rights to her daughter's story for a flat fee? Seriously? My deals are more fair.” Steve was facing away from them, so Eddie had to imagine the smug expression on his face. The older couple looked confused.

“Your deals?” The man asked, like maybe he hadn’t put it together yet.

“I’m sitting here right in front of you and you still have no idea.” Steve shook his head. “And you call yourself demon hunters. I knew you were just con artists.”

Understanding dawn on the woman first.

“You’re the demon,” she said, fear in her voice. “The one who killed those kids.”

“I am a demon. But no, I haven’t killed any kids in Hawkins,” Steve corrected. “Those three dead kids, the Mayfield girl’s injuries, that really was a human. People can be evil all on their own, you know.”

“Why should we believe you?” the man asked. He didn’t appear as afraid as his wife, but Eddie was an expert on posturing. The guy was about thirty seconds away from shitting his pants.

“Believe, don’t believe. I don’t give a fuck. I’m not here to keep you from writing your little book and ripping off the American public with your absolutely true demon stories.” Eddie would bet good money Steve was rolling his eyes. “I’m here about this.”

Robin nearly turned around to see what Steve was holding even though she knew what it would be. Eddie kicked her ankle and she turned back.

“You see,” Steve went on, “I made a deal with the Mayfield girl’s brother. It means I owe her a certain amount of protection. So this contract you sweet-talked her mom into signing? We’re going to rework the terms. I’m thinking percent off the gross?”

-----------

Notes:

"that possession and murder case" refers to the Arne Johnson murder trial, where the defense tried to argue the killer had been possessed by a demon. The book was titled The Devil in Connecticut and published in 1983. It's also the inspiration for one of the Conjuring films.

Allegedly (and I'm not doing enough research to confirm it because this six hundred word story has enough notes already) the Warrens paid people flat fees for the rights to their stories and then made bank themselves off of books and films about the 'hauntings' and 'possessions.' Frankly, everything I've read about them makes them sound like unscrupulous con artists.

"two-bit ring from a cracker jack box" is a reference to a Firesign Theatre sketch (The Further Adventures of Nick Danger) released in 1969; Robin knows it from her parents.

Two-bit means cheap in general, but also two-bits refers to a quarter, so when Eddie says he paid fifty cents for the ring he's saying it cost twice as much as Robin implied (still pretty cheap)

I doubt Eddie knows for sure what alloy any of his rings are made of, but cheap jewelry often contains nickel, and nickel can turn your skin green.

"percent off the gross" is revenue percentage rather than a percentage of the profit, so Max can't be cheated out of money via creative accounting.

[nothorses]

Hi so I’m a nonbinary lesbian and have been out for well over 6 years. My gender expression has changed a lot over the years and now I’m just. A bit lost. I want to experiment more with masculinity again but I’ve kind of forgotten how to? I’m in a bit of a weird spot where most people around me aren’t trans (except for my roommates) but are of the (very good!) idea that “clothes and attributes aren’t gendered” and dress sort of unisex in as cheap second hand clothes as possible. Some guys have long hair or wear makeup to parties and some women don’t shave etc. But I still feel like most people view me as a woman or woman-lite because even though they’re well meaning and progressive, they’re not really well-educated about transness. And I’m in a long term lesbian relationship and have a lot of hobbies that are more traditionally feminine. My pronouns are they/she but most people use she/her exclusively. I’m starting to feel more and more dysphoric about this after a few years of no dysphoria, but I don’t know how to change things. So yeah do you have any tips on doing masculinity? Or experimenting more with combining gender expressions? I wish I could start t but the trans healthcare in my country is terrible.

ngl a lot of that is so familiar to me- especially the pronouns! It's been a long time since I started to lean more into masculinity from the kind of "I'm not a yucky man lol that would be unfeminist" purgatory I was trapped in pre-transition but post-realizing-i-was-trans-in-some-way (which isn't to imply that's where you're at, that was just my personal journey) but I definitely feel like I resonate with a lot of what you're describing from, like, that specific period in my life.

I think drawing harder lines around how I wanted people to refer to me helped a lot with this, early on. I know a ton of people who have pronouns they use with trans friends that are different from the pronouns they let cis people use; she/they for the people they know will make the effort to use both, but they/them or she/her exclusively for the people they know are unlikely to use those pronouns if they have an alternative. This works with other language as well- but that's all to your personal comfort level!

Outside of that, I think step 1 is really just thinking about what masculinity means to you, and what kinds of masculinity you're interested in or intrigued by. Don't worry too much about figuring out exactly what you want right away- just experiment with whatever seems like it might be fun or comfortable. Think clothes, hair, mannerisms, roles, hobbies and interests; anything you might have denied or been denied because of gendered expectations. There's no one singular way to Do Masculinity, and the goal isn't to start out with a single perfect, consistent way of presenting yourself to the world. You're just playing with things you haven't had permission to play with before!

I also have a lot of "feminine interests", and a big thing for me has been finding masculine role models within those things. In my area it's mostly women who are into horses, and I was the only man on the horseback riding team at my school when I transitioned; but cowboys are totally a thing, and I started leaning into that role pretty early on! We also ended up getting another guy on the team, I think partially because he saw there was at least one other & he wouldn't be the only man there, which was cool (he latched onto me hard, too. it was very funny to me when I mentioned being trans & he apparently had very much not realized that before. I got to watch his worldview shift in real time, lmao)

That one was probably the easiest, though. I've also looked to really positive, loving male teachers in my work in education, and that's been awesome! Sewing & embroidery have been the hardest by far, but I've definitely found plenty of men in both over time. Finding embroidery patterns to try out from gay men depicting masculine-presenting bodies has been especially fun & validating.

I know this isn't the most specific advice, and I'm not sure if you were looking for like, a list of clothes to buy? But honestly this has just been my own journey. I wear what's comfortable and I haven't really changed my interests or hobbies; exploring masculinity has really just meant giving myself permission to engage in things I haven't before, wearing things I feel good in, and looking to others who've given themselves that permission as well for inspiration. I had to be more intentional about considering the masculine-to-me options early on than I do now, but like, it should all be about you and what you're interested in. There are infinite types of guy! I think it's just a matter of figuring out which ones you resonate with and why, and building your own type of guy out of that.

[mrskomireid]

Christmas Lights & Nutmeg Cookies

summary: christmas fluff ♡

warnings: none

a/n: anyone who knows me also knows that i pretty much only write angst, so i decided to try my hand at something lighter 😽

word count: 866

------------

The soft glow of the Christmas lights Spencer had been struggling to untangle days before bathed your apartment in a warm, golden light. The scent of the gingerbread you’d baked hours before still lingered in the air before you both moved on to the next task, sugar cookies. While simplistic enough that they weren’t really a challenge, Spencer was going all in for his first year hosting the BAU Christmas get-together.

He offered you a bite of his latest batch, after determining the last 3 weren’t quite right. “Did I do good?” He asked as the sweetness melted on your tongue.

“That’s perfect, keep that recipe.” You responded.

“It’s the nutmeg,” He declared proudly, “For a batch of 36 I used half a teaspoon, it's subtle but it makes all the difference.”

“You know, I wasn’t so sure that Christmas cookies were something that could be scientifically perfected but of course, it's you that managed to prove me wrong.” A slight laugh escaped you at the idea that he’d spent hours treating a sugar cookie recipe like it was String Theory.

He smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead, “Don’t worry, I’ll credit you on my genius recipe too.” He moved over to the dining table, sitting cross-legged on the chair, tucking his long legs beneath him, “Now let’s hope I don't mess the batch up with bad icing skills.”

You sigh a little at the mess left by Spencer’s repeated attempts at baking, knowing that he won’t clean it himself. He’s perfect, really, but his one downfall is the mess he unconsciously leaves in his wake. You get to work scrubbing bowls and mixer whisks as he meticulously pipes icing onto a reindeer-shaped cookie.

“I think I cracked the code,” He said, his brows furrowed in concentration. “The key is steady pressure, not too much at once. That way the antlers don’t look… asymmetrical.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you spotted the shabby icing job he’d done on a few other cookies, you walked over to him, drying your hands with the handtowel. “Took you a few tries but it looks like you’ve got the hang of it now.” You look at the one he’s finishing, “Spence, that reindeer looks amazing. You might’ve missed your calling as a pastry chef.”

He gave you a sheepish smile, his cheeks flushing slightly, “I think the team would tease me relentlessly if I moonlighted at a bakery. But, you know, this is actually therapeutic…especially when you have a partner cleaning up after you.”

“I told you it’s calming!” You teased, nudging his shoulder lightly. “And you said baking wasn’t your thing.”

He reached for another cookie, this one shaped like a star, and began decorating it with such diligent precision that was so very Spencer. You sit in the chair next to him, content to watch him work for a moment. There was something so endearing about seeing him in this setting, this domesticity was a huge contrast to the rest of his life.

“Alright,” You said, standing up and holding your hand out to him, “baking break. Time for a movie.”

Spencer’s eyes lit up, though he tried to feign nonchalance. “Do you already have one picked out?”

“I’ve never watched it before but it's a classic…” You say, grinning, knowing how he loves anything that’s referred to as a classic. The opening notes of It’s a Wonderful Life filled the room, and Spencer's expression softened.

“Fantastic choice,” He muttered, setting his finished cookie and the piping bag aside.

You both nestle into the couch, and you place a fluffy blanket over the two of you. Spencer shifted his weight slightly and gently grabbed your hand under the blanket. His warmth was comforting and couldn’t resist the urge to rest your head on his shoulder, he reacted in turn and rested his head on top of yours. His sweater smelled faintly of vanilla and cinnamon, the result of the baking spree he’d just indulged in.

As the movie played, his fingers absentmindedly traced circles on the back of your hand. You found yourself focusing on him and his presence more than the screen, admiring the way the glittering lights on the Christmas tree reflected in his hazel eyes. When George Bailey’s troubles began to develop, Spencer leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“Did you know Jimmy Stewart was nervous during the filming of this scene? It was one of his first roles after returning from World War II.”

You smiled, finding it adorable how his mind was always finding facts and stories to tell you, “I didn’t know that, thanks for the tidbit, Dr. Reid.” He chuckled slightly, his breath warm against your cheek.

As the movie neared its ending, you found yourself unable to concentrate on anything but the feeling of being wrapped up with Spencer, the soft rumble in his chest as he laughed, and how it warmed the room. You both hear a soft patter against the window and turn to look out of it, seeing snow falling, blanketing the world outside in a crisp white sheet. And inside, everything felt alive with Christmas magic- laughter, love, and sugar cookies.

[gouraminnow]

One Piece / Straw hats with a Reader who struggles with ASI (Autistic Self Injury)

Warnings: Self harm, primarily

ASI is sometimes referred to as Non-Suicidal Self Injury, and it's typically not done deliberately the way "standard" SH is. It can be because of both under or over-stimulation, or sometimes it can just be a form of stimming that happens to be physically harmful. This isn't exclusive to autism, it's also common w/ compulsion based disorders such as OCD.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional of any sort I'm just a guy who has it. My experience is not universal and most of this will be based on how I experience and deal with these problems.

POST THAT CATERS TO ME BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE HERE WE GO!!!

In all honesty One Piece is so chock-full of quirky and frankly weird people that I don't think an autistic person would phase most characters all that much. Not saying ableism wouldn't exist at all, but like. Franky is here. I don't think most lower-support needs autistic people would even be noticed by anyone other than some of the doctor characters and I don't think high-support needs people would be treated badly (By the more... decent characters, anyway). I mean hell I will always go to bat for autistic Luffy hcs, as well as Robin and Usopp to a degree but ANYWAY!

Before everyone is used to it, the site of you doing it (while upset especially) has everyone scrambling to grab you and stop it from continuing. There is… a good chance this upsets you even more, having your new crewmates suddenly swarming you... it takes a bit of back and forth, explaining that this is just normal for you.

Luffy is the one I thought of first... I've always been a biter. Whether it's nails or biting open the skin on my hands it's one of the forms I personally struggle with a lot. Now I may think Luffy is autistic but this does NOT mean I think he'd immediately understand/get it. Obligatory "autism is a spectrum" spiel, a lot of us butt heads if we have conflicting symptoms/struggles. Luffy is sympathetic, and worried about you, but he's also very blunt and there's a good chance he'd argue with you over it. What are you upset about? Clearly something's wrong, if you're doing this. What do you mean you don't notice? You're bleeding. Doesn't it hurt? This is bad for you. He's worried, so just cut it out already!

You tell him it's just an impulse you don't think about, like wiping your nose or tapping your foot. It doesn't really hurt until someone points it out, or if you accidentally do something really bad. His brows screw up, and he stares at you very intently. He says if you can't stop, then he WILL help you the next time it happens. You're a little put off, and have the suspicion that he doesn't really get it, but... well, he clearly means well. It's nice that he worries about you, and that even while ignorant in some aspects of his concern, he doesn't belittle or blame you for these behaviors... ultimately, you feel pretty okay about how things went.

Until the next time he sees you doing it, he launches across the ship to shove his nasty, grubby-ass hands into your mouth. "It doesn't hurt me!" he exclaims, while you try to cuss him out and avoid gagging on his stupid, rubbery fingers. "You need to bite, so bite me! This way hurts nobody, shishishi!" You shriek, the two of you toppling over onto the deck. Sanji or Nami smack him over the head to get him off of you. It wasn't what you'd call helpful, but... if he's out on deck or in the room with you, there's a little self-check you run through to make sure nothing your doing will warrant... that. So maybe it does sort of work?

Luffy has a similar approach to other forms of ASI too. Skin picking and hair pulling? Hitting yourself? Yeah he's going koala mode(animal that clings. Not the character) and wrapping himself around you, restraining your limbs. Which unfortunately has a high chance of making the urge worse, if it's compulsion based...

Now, Chopper has heard of this, and read about it, but he hasn't actually seen it in person yet. The first time he sees you doing it, it's shortly after you've joined. He goes to meet with you- every new member gets a check-up just to make sure everything's in working order! He finds you in the aquarium bar, absentmindedly gazing at the fish... but when he calls to you, you turn, and reveal the bloody mess of your hand- nails chewed far past the quick. He freaks out, which probably freaks you out, which attracts the attention of the others, and...

Yeah. That could've gone better. It takes a bit for you two to calm down. There's a chance he might think this is a more standard form of self-harm, and feel guilty because you're so unhappy you'd do this to yourself... when he learns the actual reason, he... still feels pretty guilty for not noticing or considering the possibility sooner. But he's the one who briefs everyone else on the details, possibly even you if you don't know you're autistic or why you do these things. I don't think these types of diagnoses or the terminology surrounding them are well known in the OP universe, so there's a good chance you don't have clue what your own problem is. Either way, everybody knows now.

Chopper lays down the basics. There's the passive SH you don't even notice, reflexive the way scratching an itch or brushing away hair is. Then there's the kind that you do because you're upset or overwhelmed in some way. It's not so simple as just stopping. You need other outlets when you feel the urges start up. He works with you to try and practice healthier grounding and coping strategies, and the others fall in line.

Nami isn't great about it if she sees it before Chopper tells everybody what's up... means well, but scolding you or grabbing you directly does not help the urges go away. She means well, but she's used to the other knuckleheads and their more... deliberate brand of dipshittery. Much more patient once she's been told the details, whether from you or Chopper.

If Nami catches you picking at your skin, it's pretty common for her to hand you a tangerine to peel. It's similar enough to skin, she reasons, it might be a good alternative. And then you can eat it afterward instead of chewing on yourself. It's a two-in-one solution! Both of you fail to consider how easily citrus juice gets inside a hand-wound though... after the first incident, it's a solution for picking at any other body parts. You can hang out in the map room with her for a little bit of peace and quiet, as long as you don't distract her. She might explain some of her work to you if you're interested.

She'll smack around any of the others if they upset/overwhelm you, whether it's actually enough to start up the sh. Her yelling might not help, but it is nice to feel supported... she'll get you jewelry to fidget with instead, and take you clothes shopping for things that don't set off sensory issues(AND look flattering, of course). Her and Robin will paint your nails. The dried polish is another better peeling/picking alternative to skin and hair. Nami adds the prices of the jewelry and nail polish to the debt of whoever accidentally sets you off.

Robin is a little better about it. If you hit yourself, or bang your head against another surface, she'll use her power to summon hands that cushion your blows. If she sees the scratching, hair pulling, etc. she asks you about it- the question usually enough to ground you and realize it's happening, if you aren't already.

She's good at redirecting you. Has you come relax somewhere quieter with her if you're overwhelmed. Works with Nami in regards to the clothes and nail polish, but also has good chapstick recommendations, since chapped lips are a big problem for lots of people with dermatillomania.

A relaxing person to be around in general (unless you're offput by her morbid comments) and is good to talk to. You admit you feel a bit ridiculous having these issues on a crew chock-full of such accomplished individuals. Childish, even. She chuckles, asking how you can say that living on the same boat as Luffy, of all people? You're hardly the only person here with self-destructive habits and it's far from your only defining trait. And though for differing reasons, both her and Brook commiserate with you regarding the loneliness and feelings of isolation a lot of autistic people face. The struggle of not understanding or being understood in turn...

Insists on you joining her and Nami while they relax, on occasion. Makes Sanji dote on you too, if you aren't a woman and he isn't already.

Speaking of Sanji, he's also good at redirecting you. The kitchen is his domain, but if you're in a rut and it'll help keep your hands busy without overwhelming you, he'll give you something to do. Help chop, help peel, here the eggs are done boiling so be a dear and help with the ice bath, won't you? Won't let you chop onions or chilis even if you insist you'll be fine.

And if you're a chewer/biter, he always has some sort of snack to give you. Finds you chewing your knuckles and shoves some Hors d'Oeuvres at you. Takes care to figure out which textures you like vs. can't handle as well. If you're hitting yourself, he sticks some thick oven mitts on your hands. It's not... perfect, by any means, but it's better.

Zoro hears the way you talk about some of it. The feeling of some sort of tense, uncomfortable energy that fills you, and the desperate need to get it out. Tearing at yourself, hitting yourself, banging your head against something to try and alleviate the feeling. He... thinks he sort of gets it, actually. Not in the same way but he gets antsy and weird if he doesn't get to do something active for too long. Is it something like that..? Passively mentions that weight training might help. It's worth a shot, and you're free to come join him if you'd like to try. And you think it over. Maybe the straining of your muscles would provide a similar and healthier form of relief, while also achieving something productive at the same time... so you make your way up to the crow's nest one day, and he's happy to see you there, truly!

But... Zoro has come a long way since he first joined. He knows he's stronger than you, but misjudged just how big the gap was. He walks you through the proper postures and stances for lifting, only for you both to face a bit of a rude awakening...

You can't lift any of his weights... both of you feel a little awkward, to say the least. And you're a bit disheartened. He makes a plan to get a beginner's set for you, but Usopp and/or Franky probably beat him to the punch and build a training set.

Usopp and Franky work together. Or, well, more like they both get the idea to design fidgety little devices for you, and Usopp nervously tells Franky that they probably shouldn't double as armable explosives or mini missile launchers. There should probably be a clearer line drawn between something you absentmindedly fiddle with and a weapon of mass destruction. He nods earnestly. That's a good point, bro... Guess they'll just make em both separately! SUUUPERRRR!!!!!!

If you have hair pulling issues, Usopp suggests some sort of bandana to cover and pull your hair back like his, just as an added barrier between your hands and your scalp. On top of that, he insists on wrapping bandaids on your fingertips to make picking of all sorts much harder, and makes little finger-caps with Franky when the bandaids also interfere with more regular tasks. For hitting, with Chopper's advice, they make padded gloves, vests/coats to wear that help cushion the blows. They make more covert options too, like chest guards that can be worn under normal clothes. They run their drafts by you, making sure they're not uncomfortable to wear.

Franky's "SUUUPEERRRR!!" is just as likely to become a stim as it is to be overwhelming, honestly. He fashions some noise-canceling headphones for you. When Nami learns about these, she wants her own pair, too.

Brook is always ready to help sooth you with music, but sometimes the elegant notes of a violin can become a pitchy whine to you if you're already overstimulated. It just depends on the situation. It can get to him if he accidentally makes things worse for you, but he tries not to take it personally.

But it often does work. If he's not adding to a racket and things have quieted down, sometimes starting up a song will have your hands fall to your sides without you realizing you were hurting yourself in the first place. He's very giddy about it when he pulls this off but tries not to be obvious. Subtlety isn't exactly his thing, though.

He makes a joke from a place of concern- that if you keep tearing at yourself like this, you'll end up a skeleton just like him. If it bothers you, he'll never make a joke like it again. He isn't trying to be cruel, he just likes to deal with things by being silly. If you do like it, and he gets a laugh out of you, it becomes a running gag. "You know, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But as much as I would enjoy having another skeleton on board, this really isn't good for you..."

[emry-stars-art]

Also while I'm here:

YES you can call me Emry as casually as you like, we are FRIENDS now and I will do my best to get your names (just pls stay respectful, I've been extremely lucky to only have wonderful people in my anons)

And I will take any honorific or descriptor you think fits/is funny, I've been called miss emry and I've been called mr stars and I did a happy little laugh at both

I don't offend easily at all and i love talking to you all, so in case you've been wondering about approaching me: here u go, please do 💕

[butteredfrogs]

vent in tags

[depresseddepot]

they rejected my application :(

[dw-flagler]

fuck. I was writing this emma barnes fic and I've come to a realization. For a period of exactly seven days in 2009, Emma Barnes is a completely different person from the one in canon. Like, I always knew that meeting Shadow Stalker the second time shaped her as a person, but it's genuinely shocking how utterly different the road of her life could have been.

Like, for my fic I had these two paths I was struggling to pick between, which I'm calling Wire and Cloth, as a joke about imprinting (see neither is good but one is distinctly better than the other), one where Emma ends up being kidnapped by the ABB and one where she ends up as shadow stalker's apprentice. But.

Look, here's a line from Interlude 19: "What got her, the nebulous idea that haunted her, was the impact those scenes had.  There were so many defining moments, so many crises, big and small, that shaped the people they touched.  The biggest and most critical moments were the sorts that wiped the slate clean, that ignored or invalidated the person who had existed before, only to create another."

Like, yeah, she's talking about triggers, but what's getting to me is how empathetic (in the literal "I can relate to your pain" sense) and compassionate she sounds. Like. Emma shuts herself in her room for a week because she's incapable of dealing with the horror of knowing that hundreds of little girls are going through what she did every minute of every day. She can't deal with it.

This emma, who only exists for a week, is haunting me. She's just--It's just weird!

And the Emma who exists for the rest of the story, for every section except for less than half of one chapter, you can see the remains! She's there! Emma recontextualizes her existential despair at the enormity of human suffering, something she only really understood in abstract until now, as Sophia's predator/prey philosophy, right? It's so easy for her, because it gives her a way to explain it. There's predators and there's prey. It already slots into her worldview. Like (and I'm really just harping on about victim blaming today aren't I?) those girls who suffered like Emma did, they suffered because they were weak! It's simple now. There's two kinds of people, the ones who are hurt and the ones who hurt, and all Emma has to do to make sure that she is never hurt again is to be the one who does the hurting.

But for seven days, there's that ghost. The kind Emma Barnes, who doesn't want anything like what happened to her happen to anyone else. It's not as narratively interesting, I get that. Who wants a worm character who's all peace and love? That doesn't make for a mentally disturbed teenage girl doing horribly violent acts, and that's what we in the worm fandom all want to see. But still she haunts me.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

transgenderism dilemma

in the vein of that last post, i'm not sure what to do about my straight cis friends who keep referring to me as she. they are very supportive and they try their best to understand and i appreciate them so so much!!! but when i have other friends (some also trans and some cis but queer) who do make the effort to call me he or they (which i retired a while ago lowkey) , it's just kind of glaring when some of my friends still call me "she."

i know i told them any pronouns are fine and it doesn't bother me, but it kind of does. i don't want to go by "he" full-time, mostly because i'm more than a little nervous of being accidentally outed to people i'm not ready to be out to (my parents or some of my professors). but they're my friends. but i also know that if i tell these friends to call me "he" or even "they" (which still annoys me but at least gets them to acknowledge i am trans), i run a serious risk of them Not Understanding in front of someone i don't wanna be out to.

should i be this worried? should i have to go back and forth mentally about whether it's worth it to get gendered correctly by certain people when i know those people might potentially and completely accidentally out me?

i don't know. is it worth it? is it? to be gendered correctly or not to be. to be content with "they (sometimes) got the spirit." hm.

what do i DO??? do i even do anything?? AUGHHH!!!

[onehundredfallenpetals]

Shuake ft an attempt at accompanying poetry

[purpldawne]

actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️

( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )

ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up